Please understand me

"If I do not want what you want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong.

Or if I believe other than you, at least pause before you correct my view.

Or if my emotion is less than yours, or more given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel more strongly or weakly.

Or yet if I act , or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, let me be.

I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me. That will come only when you are willing to give up changing me into a copy of you.

I may be your spouse, parent, your friend or your colleague. If you allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself, so that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong and might finally appear to you as right - for me. To put up with me is the first step to understand me. Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness. And in understanding me you might come to prize my differences from you, and, far from seeking to change me, preserve and even nurture those differences.

Well, stranger, there isn't any way you can really understand me, but if you stop trying to change me to look like you, you might come to appreciate me. I'll settle for that. How about you?"

- Taken from the book Please understand me

I am reading this fantastic book and the opening page just blew me away. I simply could not stop myself from writing about it here. And as always, if I find anything more interesting I will definitely share it here.  

All ... are equal

And there you go, Drucker has confirmed my strong belief that all men (and women of course!) are created equal! Everybody is just fine the way they are, there is no real need to change everything upside down. It is all about the image you carry in your head.

Let me make my point without further ado...

"Among the effective people I have known and worked with, there are extroverts and aloof, retiring men, some even morbidly shy. Some are eccentrics, others painfully correct conformists. Some are fat and some are lean. Some are worriers; some are relaxed. Some drink quite heavily; others are total abstainers. Some are men of great charm and warmth; some have no more personality than a frozen mackerel. There are a few men among them who would answer to the popular conception of a “leader.”

But equally there are colorless men who would attract no attention in a crowd. Some are scholars and serious students, others almost unlettered. Some have broad interests; others know nothing except their own narrow area and care for little else. Some of the men are self-centered, if not indeed selfish. But there are also some who are generous of heart and mind. There are men who live only for their work and others whose main interests lie outside—in community work, in their church, in the study of Chinese poetry, or in modern music. Among the effective people I have met, there are people who use logic and analysis and others who rely mainly on perception and intuition. There are men who make decisions easily and men who suffer agonies every time they have to move."

- The effective Drucker

So what motivates people?

Really, there is no one answer! Drucker says it is a futile exercise to find one right thing that suits all. I obviously have had my share or should I say my attempts at motivating people. It is more on the lines of mindful influencing by tapping into the realms of motivation.

Anyway, I found a very interesting one today. It is... Beliefs about what makes us effective that decides our motivation. If we pick a task and we think it will not make us "effective" - in terms of money, position, power etc whichever is important to that person, then he/she will not be motivated to do that task. I think this  is called the utility value of task or something on those lines.

Eons ago I had read something about Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory. I did not realize how important and how meaningful it was back then. Maslow himself did not believe that the theory was complete enough to be adopted. I like it though and it is something I sometimes rely upon as well. You can read more here...
http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm

-Sandeep kowshik

P.S - Now, try asking developers to do some testing!

Knowledge workers

So, who is a knowledge worker? And why is he is so important in today's world?

Knowledge workers are generally professionals such as teachers, lawyers, architects, physicians, nurses, engineers, and scientists. Peter Drucker, my favorite management guru first coined the word.

Knowledge workers are not subordinates; they are ‘associates.’ Beyond the apprentice stage, knowledge workers must know more about their job than their boss does—or else they are no good at all.
In fact, that they know more about their job than anybody else in the organization is part of the definition of knowledge workers.

Management though he argues should: make people capable of joint performance through common goals, common values, the right structure, and the training and development they need to perform and to respond
to change.

Authentic leadership

I have been reading a lot of authentic leadership and authentic living in general. I've picked up a lot from Kevin Cashman - Leadership from the inside out. It is a fantastic read, a book for life and is something that I will keep going back to again and again.

Will write lot more about this and my struggles and fight with authenticity. But for now, here is something that keeps me going...

“Sure I am this day we are masters of our fate, that the task which has been set before us is not above our strength; that its pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance. As long as we have faith in our own cause and an unconquerable will to win, victory will not be denied us.” - Winsten Churchill

Gratitude and Indebtedness

Does too much gratitude lead to indebtedness? Of course, both arise after you receive something from someone. Gratitude is less stronger an emotion than indebtedness. The reason I give importance to this topic is that I have fallen trap to this in the past and I am very conscious about not letting too much gratitude evolve into indebtedness.

My experiments with this topic started eons ago when I declined a gift from a friend. Probably a bad idea, but hey that's why I've called it an experiment!

Gratitude also has finite life time and decreases over time. People receiving the benefit apparently make some (ir)rational arguments in their minds and forget to acknowledge the transaction. Hence the receiver and giver are in different states after such a transaction. It is best to acknowledge it and get on as soon as possible. Question though is: Would that nullify things and bring the receiver and the giver back to the same state?

Answer: ... It depends :)

Keirsey type

I took the keirsey test today and my type is ENFP. This is different from my MBTI results which said I was an ESFP. Atleast the EF & P is common between the two!

Apparently, keirsey test takes a long term view of your personality while MBTI is biased towards how you would like to be perceived.

Anyway, I'm a little busy now trying to de-crypt my keirsey type by reading... "Please understand me"!